A Change...........

Sitting alone in my room thinking of what is happing with me,and why did my life change like that its really weird,i feel unhappy and lonely,i was thinking that i had lots of friends and a good amount of true friends but then i stoped and think and found out that all the friends i have are not true friends i found out that maybe i only have 4 true friends and not more,i started to remember some old days of last year,and saw all the changes that happend during that year or the last months,they were alot,lots of my friends has changed and not knowing why and what are the reasons but i thought and found out that it is maybe cuz they just found new ppl and new friends so they dont need me anymore,i feel really sad really sad,and thought why is this happining to me what did i do to get this,and what should i do next,but i thought again that those ppl whom i'v been concedering them as my friends turned out to be just normall ppl who just came throw my ife and are now vanishing,those ppl who changed into other ppl who dont care anymore who found new ppl around them,if they really changed for sth i did or said which am sure that thats not the reasone,they have to come to me and tell me whats up whats wrong and why did they change and why are they doing this,i really hate to lose them like this,but if this is what they want then i have to accept it.
Am bored of this life i sometimes just think to go away and leave this life cuz i am full of being unhappy, i then said noo its not like that this is not the way to solve the problems i dont hae to run away from them all i have to do is to face them,so i started to make some changes in my life hoping that this new year will be better,starting from just caring for the ppl who care and are always there when ever i need them, and then i excluded some ppl from my life who really dont deserve to be there,and entered some new things to my life,starting from changing my look,had a new hair cut which really changed my mood and felt as if am a new person,now am going to work on changing my body,going to the gym and build my body,which is really an important thing i have to do,then decided to start staying more with my family cuz its really nice to be with your family who really loves yu and care alot for you and all what they want is to make you happy,so we decided to go for a vacation which is going to be a short one only for 4 days but it will be a change,am sure that in those 4 days i can relax and forget every thing so that when am back i will be a new person with new dreams to achive.
Going back to friends,am really sad that in 27 days i will have to say good bye to my best friend or whom i can call sister,she is going to leave me and get married and live away out of jordan,i cant just stop thinking of how am going to live without her, i know that this should happen and i know that am going to miss her alot,cuz she's always there for me really always whenever i needed her,and i know that she will stay always my best friend no matter what will happen,i will miss you alot fofo and am going to hate the day am going to say good bye,well i hope that you will be happy with your new life and i really wish you happines always and i want to tell you that i will never forget you my dear never and ever.
Now going back to the friends i have here i hope that nth will change and that we will stay friends for ever,i dont want anything to change and i hope that we will not lose each other,and i want to tell you that am still waiting you always to come back and knock the door of my heart and be sure that i will open the door for you if you really ment it,i hope that you will re remember all the happy days we had together and think of all the other coming days that we r going to enjoy.
know i pray to God to help me in this new year and be with me always and help me make my dreams come true,and hope that this year will be a good year fulled with happiness and love,the love which i guess i lost it but hope that it will come back again or maybe a new one will come to fill my life and make me happy,oooohhh i dont know what to say more but i will now leave you guys to go back and continue your day,and live every second in it second by second and dont let any thing make you fell depressed try to fight every thing and am sure you will and you can .....

yours always
hadoosheh